Showing posts with label Manners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Manners. Show all posts

My Toddler always throwing stuff!

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Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children this age. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder she wants to practice this exciting skill once she's mastered it! What happens next is endlessly educational, too: 
Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down — never up. She can't say "gravity," of course, but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces; if she tosses an apple, it goes splat; and if her dinner gets the heave-ho, you probably go ballistic. Of course, it's maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk. But rather than trying to stop your toddler's throwing (a futile effort anyway), concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it.

When she's in her stroller or car seat, try attaching a few playthings within easy reach (using short strings that can't get wrapped around her neck). She'll quickly discover that in addition to throwing the objects, she can fish them back again. Double the fun for her, half the work for you.

At mealtime, try using a special toddler dish with plastic "suckers" that fasten to the table or highchair tray. Keep in mind, though, that while these work well enough that a casual grab won't send her dish scuttling across the floor, they won't stop a small person who's amazed to find her dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off! This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting down with your child while she eats. That way, you're right there to gently but firmly tell her "no" when she makes a move to toss her lunch and to hold her plate down with your hand if need be.

It may also help to serve tiny portions of finger foods directly on her highchair tray or a paper towel and to hold off on dishing up more until she's eaten what's there. Keep in mind, too, that most kids don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and have grown bored. So take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that she's finished her meal, and lift her down from the table. If a bit of food does escape her hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to keep some perspective about it: After all, a dropped slice of bread or a pinch of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but they're not worth getting upset about.

When your toddler's playing, on the other hand, there are things you'll want to stop her from throwing: sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at the baby. But she'll accept these limits more easily and learn to police herself more quickly if there are lots of things that she is allowed — and even encouraged — to throw. Balls are an obvious choice, and you may want to stock up on a few foam "indoor balls." But actual throwing games (like tossing beanbags in a basket or skipping stones on a pond) are even more fun for a toddler, especially if you play with her. The message you need to convey is that throwing things is a fine as long as she throws the right things in the right place at the right time. This lesson will carry over to many of the other physical skills she's mastering, too: There's nothing wrong with kicking a soccer ball in the park, for instance — but kicking a playmate won't be looked upon too kindly!


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Easing Sibling Rivalry

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No matter how close or far apart you chose to have children, they will at one time or another experience jealousy towards one another. It's human nature, and not a result of poor parenting, so don't doubt your ability to raise well-adjusted children. Sibling rivalry can cause a great deal of stress in a young family. Children have to be taught by example when they're young, for it's not instinctive at birth that they know how to love and be kind toward one another.

When a new baby arrives, an older child may feel threatened or afraid that mommy and daddy may not love him or have time for him anymore. Some children feel resentment towards the new baby to the point of wanting to harm the baby. Toddlers may revert back to wanting a bottle if they have given it up, or, if they're potty-trained, may begin having accidents or wetting the bed. Others may talk like a baby for attention. This is all normal regressive behavior. If it goes on too long, or becomes a major concern to you, talk with your pediatrician for professional advice on how to best handle the situation.

Conversation can be a good starting point when trying to resolve sibling rivalry. Talk openly with your child when you first discover you're pregnant. Talk about what is happening in the family unit, why mommy's belly is getting so big or why there is new furniture coming into the house, maybe even into the child's room.
Take the child along to prenatal doctor visits and let him or her hear the baby's heartbeat. Include him in simple decision making, like deciding between two names for baby or minor decorating decisions in the nursery. Reading books can be an effective way to begin talking about a new baby and about becoming a big brother or sister.
Here are a few books to look for:

  • The New Baby, A Little Golden Book, by Cindy Szekeres
  • Grover Takes Care of Baby, A Little Golden Book, by Emily Thompson
  • The Berenstain Bears - New Baby, by Stan & Jan Berenstain
There are things you can do to help your child adjust to having a new baby around the house. You could have a "Big Sister" or "Big Brother" party with cake and candles in their honor. Older siblings can feel left out or not important when they see the baby getting all the gifts and attention. If they're old enough, let them know how important their help will be with the new baby. Explain the ways you will count on them to help you with bottle feeding, diaper changing, bath time, and even bedtime stories.

While the new baby is sleeping, play or read with your older child. Give her your undivided attention, so she will feel loved and secure. It is essential to set aside individual time for each child on a regular basis. During these times, be sure to let her know how special she is and how much you appreciate her help. Some comparison between children is inevitable, but regular praise of each one of your children builds self-esteem and self-confidence. Children need to hear what they do well. Be sure to praise your older child for his or her uniqueness, strengths, accomplishments, and efforts.


Older children jealous of new babies or younger siblings can be surprisingly aggressive and sometimes torment their siblings. You should intervene if it begins to get out of control. By the same token, younger siblings should not be given "free reign" to harass or irritate the oldest just because they're smaller. Blaming each other or tattling should be discouraged and try to let the children sort out some of their own problems by remaining neutral. However, if one is being bullied or harsh words are being said, disciplinary intervention may need to occur before things get out of hand. Call a time out for them both to cool off, then calmly discuss the situation. These are the times when you will need wisdom and patience to determine how best to seek justice for all injured parties.

Life can be chaotic and frustrating with children at times, especially if it seems all they do is bicker, argue, and fight. Take time to remind yourself that it is a part of growing up and you can't stop that process no matter how hard you try. All you can do as a loving parent is show each child unconditional love and accept them for who they are.

Someday they won't be under your roof anymore, so it's important to enjoy each moment with them while they are young and allow them to develop their own relationships with one another. You can encourage more closeness by complimenting them when they play well with each other or when they help out. Being a big brother or a big sister can be a very important part of a child's personal development. As a parent, your role is to help your children recognize that being a sibling is a wonderful opportunity for closeness, love, and friendship.


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Introducing Your Toddler To Chores

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Toddlers and Chores

Helping out around the house supports learning and development. Here's how to introduce your wee one to chores.
Chores can help your child learn to organize their time, handle responsibility, set goals and learn skills.

It's a routine you can start with your child as soon as they reach the toddler years, between 18 months and 2 years of age. This is when children begin to demonstrate greater independence and want to do things by themselves. At this age, your child can put dirty clothes in the laundry basket and put toys away.

But just because children can do chores, doesn't mean they'll want to. To help ease your child into chores, Invest in Kids suggests a few fun activities that will also support your child's development. 

Where Does This Go?
Here's an activity to support the development of your child's intellectual, social and fine motor skills.

What you'll need:

• Dramatic play toys such as dishes, plastic food, clothing
• Baskets for each group of play toys
• Pictures of dishes, food and clothing cut from catalogues or magazines
• Index cards
• Glue stick
• Permanent marker

Cut out pictures of toys, food and clothing and glue each to an index card. Write the word for each item under the picture. Attach each card to a basket. Provide your child with a variety of dramatic play toys. As he plays with the toys, ask questions about each one, e.g., "Is this something you eat or something you wear?" "Which basket does this belong in?" Your child can look at the pictures on the baskets and place the play items in the correct basket.

By talking with your child about what he's doing and labeling the toys and baskets, your child will be encouraged to listen, read (with your help) and respond. He will develop emerging literacy skills as he learns to connect spoken words with the written word and with pictures. Your child will also practice important thinking and problem-solving skills as he learns to sort and match objects by common properties. Extend this fun activity in your everyday routines by naming objects and labeling storage units with pictures and words to help your child put things where they belong when playtime is over and also to reinforce these important developmental skills. 

This activity will help your child become aware of some of the ways that people take care of responsibilities at home and in the classroom. Picking up toys and putting them away requires eye-hand coordination which your child will practice as you play this game together and as he helps tidy play spaces around the house.

This activity also provides Comfort, Play & Teach® time. Comfort, Play & Teach are three parenting actions that work together to generate responses from children that transform everyday interactions from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Comfort – Your child will show pride in his achievements as he begins to recognize differences and relationships between the things in his environment.  

Play – Using and manipulating materials allows your child to name objects and discover their characteristics through play.
  
Teach – As your child sorts familiar objects, you will observe how he makes comparisons and groups things according to differences.


Other everyday moments to enjoy together:
• Have your child provide her own rationale for sorting her toys or other things around the house (sorting by type of clothing, or colour, size or shape of object).

• Involve your child in activities where she can help put things away, like laundry or groceries.

• Read books together like Jillian Jiggs by Phoebe Gilman and Jonathan Cleaned Up and Then He Heard a Sound by Robert Munsch. Your child will enjoy hearing stories about tidying up and will talk about what she likes and doesn't like about putting things away.


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Hitting, Kicking, Biting and Hair Pulling

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Children resort to aggressive behaviors because of a lack of wisdom and self-control. It is not a sign that a child is hateful or mean. Kids are human beings and human beings will get angry; we can't prevent that. What we can do is teach our children how to handle their frustration and anger in appropriate ways. If your child uses these physical acts to express her feelings, use some of the following tips to change her behavior.

Intercede before it happens
Watch your child during playtime. When you see her becoming frustrated or angry - intervene. Coach her through the issue. Teach her what to do, or model what to say to her friend. Or if she seems too upset to learn, redirect her attention to another activity until her emotions level out.

Teach and explain
It's one thing to tell a child what not to do or to step into an argument and solve it yourself. It's another thing entirely to teach her what to do in advance of the next problem. This can be done through role-play, discussion, and reading a few children's books about angry emotions.

Examine hidden causes
Is your child hungry, tired, sick, jealous, frustrated, bored or scared? If you can identify any feelings driving your child's actions you can address those along with the aggressive behavior.

Give more attention to the injured party
Often the child who hits gets so much attention that the action becomes a way of gaining the spotlight. Instead, give more attention to the child who was hurt. After a brief statement, "No hitting!" turn and give attention to the child who was wronged, "Come here and Mommy will give you a hug and read you a book."

Teach positive physical touches
Show your child how to hold hands during a walk or how to give a back rub or foot massage. Teach a few physical games, like tag or cat's cradle. Under direct supervision, children who are more physical can gain a positive outlet for their physical energy.

Teach the clapping method
Tell a child to clap his hands whenever he feels an urge to hit. This gives him an immediate outlet for his emotions and helps him learn to keep his hands to himself. An alternate is to teach him to put his hands in his pockets when he feels like hitting. Reward with praise anytime you see he's successful.

Give your child a time out
To use Time Out when a child acts out aggressively, immediately and gently take the child by the shoulders, look him in the eye and say, "No hurting others, time out." Guide the child to a chair and tell him, "You may get up when you can play without hitting." By telling him that he can get up when he's ready, you let him know that he is responsible for controlling his own behavior. If the child gets up and hits again, say, "You are not ready to get up yet," and direct him back to time out. 

Avoid play hitting and wrestling
Young children who roughhouse with a parent or sibling during play time might then use these same actions during non-wrestling times. It can be hard for them to draw the line between the two. If you have a child who has trouble controlling his physical acts then avoid this kind of play.

Don't lose control
When you see your child hurting another child it's easy to get angry. This won't teach your child what she needs to learn: how to control her emotions when others are making her mad. You are mad at her, so she'll be watching how you handle your anger.

Don't let your child watch violent TV
Children can become immune to the impact of violence, and they may copy what they see depicted on television. Avoid viewing shows that portray aggression as an appropriate way of handling anger.

Don't assume your child can figure it out
If your child comes to you about a difficult situation, don't send him away for tattling. But don't step in and handle it for him, either. View his call for help as an invitation to teach him important social skills.

Don't focus on punishment
More than anything your child needs instructions on how to treat other human beings, particularly during moments of anger or frustration.


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Get your toddler to cooperate

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Toddlers and preschoolers require finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reached the age at which they can see and understand the whole picture, so simply explaining what you want doesn't always work. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying, "Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic." (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)

You can get around this frustrating state of affairs by changing your approach. Let's look at two situations - first the typical (Titanic) way:
Parent:    David! Time to change your diaper.
David:     No! (As he runs off)
Parent:     Come on honey. It's time to leave, I need to change you.
David:     (Giggles and hides behind sofa)
Parent:     David, this isn't funny. It's getting late. Come here.
David:     (Doesn't hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle.)
Parent:     Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)
David:     (Giggles and runs)
Parent:     (Picking up David) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie still. Will you stop this! (As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom is running away)
I'm sure you've all been there. Oh, and by the way, David is my son. And this was an actual scene recorded in his baby book. Like you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a better way:
Parent:     (Picking up diaper and holding it like a puppet, making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice) Hi David! I'm Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!
David:     (Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!
Parent as Diaper:     You're such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?
David:     Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)
Parent as Diaper:     How 'bout a nice hug?
David:     (Giggles and hugs Diaper)
Parent as Diaper:    Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh yes?! Goody goody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he's being changed. Then it says, Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes calling you - David! David!)
The most amazing thing about this trick is that it works over and over and over and over. You'll keep thinking, "He's not honestly going to fall for this again?" But he will! Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with your child.

When you've got a toddler this technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David was little I used this all the time. (I then used it with my youngest child, Coleton, and it worked just as well.) Remembering back to one day, when David was almost three, we were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was making my hand talk to him. It was asking him questions about the items in the cart. Suddenly, he hugged my hand, looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I love for you to pretend this hand is talking."
Another parent reported that she called her toddler to the table for dinner a number of times, when he calmly looked up at her, chubby hands on padded hips and said, "Mommy, why don't you have my dinner call to me?"

And suddenly, the peas on his plate came to life and called out to him; he ran over to join the family at the dinner table.

A variation on this technique, that also works very well, is to capitalize on a young child's vivid imagination as a way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail of caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it.

It's delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun experience by changing a child's focus to fun and fantasy.


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