KIds and Smoking

The health risks of tobacco are well known, but kids and teens continue to smoke and use chewing tobacco. Many young people pick up these habits every year — in fact, 90% of all adult smokers started when they were kids. Each day, more than 3,900 kids become regular smokers.

So it's important to make sure kids understand the dangers of tobacco use. Smoking is the leading cause of preventable deaths in the United States, and can cause cancer, heart disease, and lung disease. Chewing tobacco (smokeless or spit tobacco) can lead to nicotine addiction, oral cancer, gum disease, and an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, including heart attacks.

Giving kids information about the risks of smoking and chewing tobacco, and establishing clear rules and your reasons for them, can help protect them from these unhealthy habits.

You also should know the warning signs of tobacco use and constructive ways to help someone kick the habit.

The Facts About Tobacco

One of the major problems with smoking and chewing tobacco has to do with the chemical nicotine. Someone can get addicted to nicotine within days of first using it. In fact, the nicotine in tobacco can be as addictive as cocaine or heroine. Nicotine affects mood as well as the heart, lungs, stomach, and nervous system.

Other health risks include short-term effects of smoking such as coughing and throat irritation. Over time, more serious conditions may develop, including increases in heart rate and blood pressure, bronchitis, and emphysema.

Finally, numerous studies indicate that young smokers are more likely to experiment with marijuana, cocaine, heroin, or other illicit drugs.

The Attraction for Kids

Kids might be drawn to smoking and chewing tobacco for any number of reasons — to look cool, act older, lose weight, win cool merchandise, seem tough, or feel independent.

But parents can combat those draws and keep kids from trying — and getting addicted to — tobacco. Establish a good foundation of communication with your kids early on to make it easier to work through tricky issues like tobacco use.

Prevention Tips

To help prevent your kids from using tobacco, keep these guidelines in mind:

• Discuss it in a way that doesn't make kids fear punishment or judgment.
• It's important to keep talking to kids about the dangers of tobacco use over the years. Even the youngest child can understand that smoking is bad for the body.
• Ask what kids find appealing — or unappealing — about smoking. Be a patient listener.
• Read, watch TV, and go to the movies with your kids. Compare media images with what happens in reality.
• Encourage kids to get involved in activities that prohibit smoking, such as sports.
• Show that you value your kids' opinions and ideas.
• Discuss ways to respond to peer pressure to smoke. Your child may feel confident simply saying "no." But also offer alternative responses such as "It will make my clothes and breath smell bad" or "I hate the way it makes me look."
• Emphasize what kids do right rather than wrong. Self-confidence is a child's best protection against peer pressure.
• Encourage kids to walk away from friends who don't respect their reasons for not smoking.
• Explain how much smoking governs the daily life of kids who start doing it. How do they afford the cigarettes? How do they have money to pay for other things they want? How does it affect their friendships?
• Establish firm rules that exclude smoking and chewing tobacco from your house and explain why: Smokers smell bad, look bad, and feel bad, and it's bad for everyone's health.

What to Watch For

If you smell smoke on your child's clothing, try not to overreact. Ask about it first — maybe he or she has been hanging around with friends who smoke or just tried one cigarette. Many kids do try a cigarette at one time or another but don't go on to become regular smokers.

Additional signs of tobacco use include:

• coughing
• throat irritation
• hoarseness
• bad breath
• decreased athletic performance
• greater susceptibility to colds
• stained teeth and clothing (also signs of chewing tobacco use)
• shortness of breath

Getting Through to Kids

Sometimes even the best foundation isn't enough to stop kids from experimenting with tobacco. It may be tempting to get angry, but it's more productive to focus on communicating with your child.

Here are some tips that may help:

• Resist lecturing or turning your advice into a sermon.
• Uncover what appeals to your child about smoking and talk about it honestly.
• Many times, kids aren't able to appreciate how their current behaviors can affect their future health. So talk about the immediate downsides to smoking: less money to spend on other pursuits, shortness of breath, bad breath, yellow teeth, and smelly clothes.
• Stick to the smoking rules you've set up. And don't let a child smoke at home to keep the peace.
• If you hear, "I can quit any time I want," ask your child to show you by quitting cold turkey for a week.
• Try not to nag. Ultimately, quitting is the smoker's decision.
• Help your child develop a quitting plan and offer information and resources, and reinforce the decision to quit with praise.
• Stress the natural rewards that come with quitting: freedom from addiction, improved fitness, better athletic performance, and improved appearance.
• Encourage a meeting with your doctor, who can be supportive and may have treatment plans.

If You Smoke

Kids are quick to observe any contradiction between what their parents say and what they do. Despite what you might think, most kids say that the adult whom they most want to be like when they grow up is a parent.

If you're a smoker:

• First, admit to that you made a mistake by starting to smoke and that if you had it to do over again, you'd never start.
• Second, quit. It's not simple and it may take a few attempts and the extra help of a program or support group. But your kids will be encouraged as they see you overcome your addiction to tobacco.

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Is Your Child Stealing?

Your child does homework on time,
helps you clear the table after dinner, 
and even helps with housework on the weekends. 

So can it be true that this same child is stealing?

Before you react, it helps to know a little about why kids steal and where to get help.

 

 Why Kids and Teens Steal

Kids of all ages — from preschoolers to teens — can be tempted to steal for different reasons:

• Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.
• School-age kids usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they might do so anyway because they lack enough self-control.
• Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but might steal for the thrill of it or because their friends do. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens steal as a way of rebelling.

And other complex reasons can be factors. Kids might be angry or want attention. Their behavior may reflect stress at home, school, or with friends. Some may steal as a cry for help because of emotional or physical abuse they're enduring.

In other cases, kids and teens steal because they can't afford to pay for what they need or want — for example, they may steal to get popular name-brand items. In some cases, they may take things to support drug habits.Whatever the reason for stealing, parents need to find out the root of the behavior and address other underlying problems, like drug abuse, that may surface.

What Should I Do?

When a child has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction should depend on whether it's the first time or there's a pattern of stealing.

With very young children, parents need to help them understand that stealing is wrong — that when you take something without asking or paying for it, it hurts someone else. If a preschooler takes a piece of candy, for instance, parents can help the child return the item. If the child has already eaten the candy, parents can take the child back to the store to apologize and pay for it.

With school-age kids, too, it's important to return the stolen item. By the first and second grades, kids should know stealing is wrong. But they may need a better understanding of the consequences.
Here's an example: If a child comes home with a friend's bracelet and it's clear the child took it without the friend's permission, the parent should talk to the child about how it would feel if a friend took something without asking first. The parent should encourage the child to call the friend to apologize, explain what happened, and promise to return it.

When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow through with stricter consequences. For example, when a teen is caught stealing, the parent can take the teen back to the store and meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what happened.

The embarrassment of facing up to what he or she did by having to return a stolen item makes for an everlasting lesson on why stealing is wrong.
Further punishment, particularly physical punishment, is unnecessary and could make the child angry and more likely to engage in even worse behavior. If it's a first-time offense, some stores and businesses may accept an apology and not necessarily press charges. However, some stores press charges the first time around. And there's often little sympathy for repeat offenders.

Kids of all ages need to know that shoplifting isn't just about taking things from a store — it's taking money from the people who run the businesses. Plus, shoplifting makes prices higher for other customers. They should also know that stealing is a crime and can lead to consequences far worse than being grounded, including juvenile detention centers and even prison.

If stealing money from a parent, the child should be offered options for paying back the money, like doing extra chores around the house. It's important, however, that a parent not bait the child by leaving out money in the hopes of catching the child in the act. That could damage the sense of trust between a parent and child.

If a Child Keeps Stealing

If your child has stolen on more than one occasion, consider getting professional help. Repeat offenses may indicate a bigger problem.
One third of juveniles who've been caught shoplifting say it's difficult for them to quit. So, it's important to help kids and teens understand why stealing is wrong and that they may face serious consequences if they continue to steal.
Others who may be able to talk to you and/or your child about the problem and help you address it include a:

• family therapist or counselor
• family doctor (who may be able to refer you to a family therapist or counselor)
• minister, priest, or rabbi
• school counselor (especially if your child is stealing from the school)
• support group, such as the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention (NASP) or Cleptomaniacs and Shoplifters Anonymous (CASA), which may be able to provide information or help (look in your phone book for groups in your area)

Although most ordinary acts of theft or shoplifting are deliberate, some people who steal may have kleptomania. With this rare compulsive disorder, which makes up a very small portion of all shoplifting cases, a person feels a sense of tension or anxiety before the theft, then feels relief or gratification when committing the theft. The person may feel guilt afterward and often discard the objects after stealing them, and also might have other compulsive disorders (such as an eating disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD).

Whatever the underlying cause, if stealing is becoming a habit with your child or teen, consider speaking with a doctor or therapist to get to the cause of the behavior. It's also important to routinely monitoring your child's behavior, keep him or her away from situations in which stealing is a temptation, and establish reasonable consequences for stealing if it does occur.

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Toddlers and Swearing

After all, having a toddler with a potty mouth is not something one boasts about at the play park.

Your kid is not the only one so don't panic! 

Toddlers are learning and loving the power of language, and once in a while they stumble across a really ‘special’ word. 

A word that has power and makes grown-ups react. They don’t understand the meaning of what they’re saying; they need to take out the word and run it past a few people, just to check it out to see if they can figure out what it means, and how best to use it. In days gone by, there was a lot of soap being applied to kids’ tongues to wash out those bad words, but we’ve learned now that reaction only makes the words more powerful. 

Try as hard as we might, though, to not react when a toddler turns the air blue is quite a feat of self-control, but there are ways to avoid your toddler from sounding like Ozzy Osbourne.

STAY CALM
Remember that, to him, it’s just a word he’s soaked up from somewhere. Don’t yell and identify the word as horrible or you will have made the word much more important than it needs to be.

SUBSTITUTE THE WORD
If your two-year-old is singing a curse word, or repeating it absently, sing along but use a funnier, more interesting word that they can latch onto. Similarly, if he’s screaming it at a passing truck, use another, innocuous word in its place.

EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM
Perhaps, if he’s getting quite proficient with his new vocabulary and you’re about to see Gramma next week, it’s time to say, “That word is a word that hurts people’s feelings and we don’t say it.” Note of caution: toddlers are still little egos with legs and sticky hands. Empathy is not one of their strong suits.

CLEAN OUT YOUR OWN MOUTH
If it sounds like Gordon Ramsay lives at your house, chances are you’ll often be battling the curse monsters. Be careful, too, about what shows you have on the television. Toddlers, deep in play, are still absorbing everything around them.

We can’t isolate our children from swear words, but we can be prepared with something more than a stick of Ivory soap. Bottom line, don’t fret; children’s attention spans are short. He’ll be onto something new ‘darn’ soon.

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Sharing is Caring

Shoving matches over who gets the fire truck are common enough between toddlers, but 19-month-old Katie took it to a new level at daycare recently. After enjoying a pretend tea party alongside her friend Ella, Katie wasnt ready to stop playing. When Ellas mom came to pick up her daughter at the end of the day, she was taken aback when Katie clung to Ella fiercely declaring, Mine!

SHARING IS HARD FOR TODDLERS
Possessiveness, rational or otherwise, peaks in the toddler years, often turning playtime into a pint-sized battleground. While most toddlers enjoy the company of other children their own age, they are more successful at parallel play, where they do the same activity or copy each others actions but dont necessarily directly interact. In other words, they like being near each other but not too close! The idea of sharing toys or favourite people is difficult for toddlers to grasp. To a two-year-old, possession is ownership, however temporary. Ignoring a flare-up or leaving toddlers to solve it on their own doesnt work because they simply dont have the verbal or social skills needed to work through a dispute. Toddlers need a little help to solve their squabbles. This, in turn, gives them the skills they need to work out their own problems down the road.

HELP TODDLERS DEAL WITH FRUSTRATION
Fortunately, toddlers are also developing an understanding of other peoples feelings at the same time theyre battling for everything within their reach. So when Ellas mommy explained that she understood how Katie felt, but that Ella was hungry and needed to go home for dinner, Katie was able to let Ella go peacefully. Not all toddlers are so agreeable. Some are noticeably more aggressive than others, resorting to hitting or breaking things when they dont get their way. But when 22-month-old Evan clobbers his friend, Harry, because he wants a turn on Harrys tricycle, it doesnt mean hes headed for the Hells Angels. He may be hungry, overtired or not able to use words yet to express his feelings all factors that can affect his behaviour. Research also shows that children who are spanked are more likely to hit or become aggressive themselves. Knowing when and how to step in without getting angry yourself can help toddlers develop empathy, self-control and lifelong interpersonal skills.

NIP AGGRESSION IN THE BUD
"Children need to understand that aggression isnt an acceptable way to deal with frustration," says Jennifer Brace, an elementary school teacher in Mississauga, Ont. and mother of four-year-old Nathaniel and two-year-old Kirsten. "Let kids know what your limits are. It's important to set clear boundaries ahead of time such as no hitting, grabbing, biting, yelling or breaking things." Jennifer, who has also worked in early childcare, suggests stepping in with toddlers before the situation escalates out of control.
"Sometimes simply redirecting the children to another interest works," says Jennifer. "It's important to stay calm and keep your voice even. Youre not going to solve anything by getting angry and shouting."

Toddlers need to learn how to resolve disputes before they can do it for them- selves. "You need to be their model several times to show them how to share," says Jennifer. "Once they understand the concept of sharing and taking turns, you can gently remind them, 'Remember how we solved this last time?' Then, as they get older, you can step back a bit and let them try their problem-solving skills. If you step in too early, they wont have a chance to figure it out for themselves."

By working through the conflict with them, toddlers learn problem-solving skills as well as developing a sense of fair play. But dont be discouraged if youre not successful every time.
"Sometimes, despite your best efforts, nothing works", says Jennifer. "Kids are going to be kids. If the situation is just too emotional, you may have to remove that toy and replace it with a new toy and a fresh start."

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Bullying

Each day, 10-year-old Seth asked his mom for more and more lunch money. Yet he seemed skinnier than ever and came home from school hungry. It turned out that Seth was handing his lunch money to a fifth-grader, who was threatening to beat him up if he didn't pay.

Kayla, 13, thought things were going well at her new school, since all the popular girls were being so nice to her. But then she found out that one of them had posted mean rumors about her on a website. Kayla cried herself to sleep that night and started going to the nurse's office complaining of a stomachache to avoid the girls in study hall.

Unfortunately, the kind of bullying that Seth and Kayla experienced is widespread. In national surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school.

A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess into a nightmare for kids. Bullying can leave deep emotional scars that last for life. And in extreme situations, it can culminate in violent threats, property damage, or someone getting seriously hurt.

If your child is being bullied, there are ways to help him or her cope with it on a day-to-day basis and lessen its lasting impact. And even if bullying isn't an issue right in your house right now, it's important to discuss it so your kids will be prepared if it does happen.

What Is Bullying?

Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.

Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and treasured possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumors about them. Others use email, chat rooms, instant messages, social networking websites, and text messages to taunt others or hurt their feelings.

It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out." The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as school shootings.

Why Kids Bully

Kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case.

Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they’ve been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry, shouts, or calls names. Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness — people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent.

Signs of Bullying

Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if it's happening.

But there are some warning signs. Parents might notice kids acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating, sleeping well, or doing the things they usually enjoy. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than usual, or when they start avoiding certain situations, like taking the bus to school, it might be because of a bully.

If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find opportunities to bring up the issue in a more roundabout way. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and use it as a conversation starter, asking "What do you think of this?" or "What do you think that person should have done?" This might lead to questions like: "Have you ever seen this happen?" or "Have you ever experienced this?" You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at that age.

Let your kids know that if they're being bullied — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling.

Helping Kids

If your child tells you about a bully, focus on offering comfort and support, no matter how upset you are. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed.

Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. 

Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.

Praise your child for being brave enough to talk about it. Remind your child that he or she isn't alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Emphasize that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. 

Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.

Sometimes an older sibling or friend can help deal with the situation. It may help your daughter to hear how the older sister she idolizes was teased about her braces and how she dealt with it. An older sibling or friend also might be able to give you some perspective on what's happening at school, or wherever the bullying is happening, and help you figure out the best solution.

Take it seriously if your hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told. 

Sometimes it's useful to approach the bully's parents. In other cases, teachers or counselors are the best ones to contact first. If you've tried those methods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so in a context where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.

Many states have bullying laws and policies. Find out about the laws in your community. In certain cases, if you have serious concerns about your child's safety, you may need to contact legal authorities.

Advice for Kids

The key to helping kids is providing strategies that deal with bullying on an everyday basis and also help restore their self-esteem and regain a sense of dignity.

It may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you're angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. And you may worry that your child will continue to suffer at the hands of the bully.

But it's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult.

Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better:

• Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
• Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).
• Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
• Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.
• Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as a guidance counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.
• Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding your lunch money, start bringing your lunch. If he's trying to get your music player, don't bring it to school.

Reaching Out

At home you can lessen the impact of the bullying. Encourage your kids to get together with friends that help build their confidence. Help them meet other kids by joining clubs or sports programs. And find activities that can help a child feel confident and strong. Maybe it's a self-defense class like karate or a movement or other gym class.

And just remember: as upsetting as bullying can be for you and your family, lots of people and resources are available to help.

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My Toddler always throwing stuff!

 

Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children this age. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder she wants to practice this exciting skill once she's mastered it! What happens next is endlessly educational, too: 

Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down — never up. She can't say "gravity," of course, but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces; if she tosses an apple, it goes splat; and if her dinner gets the heave-ho, you probably go ballistic. Of course, it's maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk. But rather than trying to stop your toddler's throwing (a futile effort anyway), concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it.

When she's in her stroller or car seat, try attaching a few playthings within easy reach (using short strings that can't get wrapped around her neck). She'll quickly discover that in addition to throwing the objects, she can fish them back again. Double the fun for her, half the work for you.

At mealtime, try using a special toddler dish with plastic "suckers" that fasten to the table or highchair tray. Keep in mind, though, that while these work well enough that a casual grab won't send her dish scuttling across the floor, they won't stop a small person who's amazed to find her dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off! This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting down with your child while she eats. That way, you're right there to gently but firmly tell her "no" when she makes a move to toss her lunch and to hold her plate down with your hand if need be.

It may also help to serve tiny portions of finger foods directly on her highchair tray or a paper towel and to hold off on dishing up more until she's eaten what's there. Keep in mind, too, that most kids don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and have grown bored. So take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that she's finished her meal, and lift her down from the table. If a bit of food does escape her hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to keep some perspective about it: After all, a dropped slice of bread or a pinch of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but they're not worth getting upset about.

When your toddler's playing, on the other hand, there are things you'll want to stop her from throwing: sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at the baby. But she'll accept these limits more easily and learn to police herself more quickly if there are lots of things that she is allowed — and even encouraged — to throw. Balls are an obvious choice, and you may want to stock up on a few foam "indoor balls." But actual throwing games (like tossing beanbags in a basket or skipping stones on a pond) are even more fun for a toddler, especially if you play with her. The message you need to convey is that throwing things is a fine as long as she throws the right things in the right place at the right time. This lesson will carry over to many of the other physical skills she's mastering, too: There's nothing wrong with kicking a soccer ball in the park, for instance — but kicking a playmate won't be looked upon too kindly!

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Easing Sibling Rivalry

No matter how close or far apart you chose to have children, they will at one time or another experience jealousy towards one another. It's human nature, and not a result of poor parenting, so don't doubt your ability to raise well-adjusted children. Sibling rivalry can cause a great deal of stress in a young family. Children have to be taught by example when they're young, for it's not instinctive at birth that they know how to love and be kind toward one another.

When a new baby arrives, an older child may feel threatened or afraid that mommy and daddy may not love him or have time for him anymore. Some children feel resentment towards the new baby to the point of wanting to harm the baby. Toddlers may revert back to wanting a bottle if they have given it up, or, if they're potty-trained, may begin having accidents or wetting the bed. Others may talk like a baby for attention. This is all normal regressive behavior. If it goes on too long, or becomes a major concern to you, talk with your pediatrician for professional advice on how to best handle the situation.

Conversation can be a good starting point when trying to resolve sibling rivalry. Talk openly with your child when you first discover you're pregnant. Talk about what is happening in the family unit, why mommy's belly is getting so big or why there is new furniture coming into the house, maybe even into the child's room.
Take the child along to prenatal doctor visits and let him or her hear the baby's heartbeat. Include him in simple decision making, like deciding between two names for baby or minor decorating decisions in the nursery. Reading books can be an effective way to begin talking about a new baby and about becoming a big brother or sister.
Here are a few books to look for:

• The New Baby, A Little Golden Book, by Cindy Szekeres
• Grover Takes Care of Baby, A Little Golden Book, by Emily Thompson
• The Berenstain Bears - New Baby, by Stan & Jan Berenstain

There are things you can do to help your child adjust to having a new baby around the house. You could have a "Big Sister" or "Big Brother" party with cake and candles in their honor. Older siblings can feel left out or not important when they see the baby getting all the gifts and attention. If they're old enough, let them know how important their help will be with the new baby. Explain the ways you will count on them to help you with bottle feeding, diaper changing, bath time, and even bedtime stories.

While the new baby is sleeping, play or read with your older child. Give her your undivided attention, so she will feel loved and secure. It is essential to set aside individual time for each child on a regular basis. During these times, be sure to let her know how special she is and how much you appreciate her help. Some comparison between children is inevitable, but regular praise of each one of your children builds self-esteem and self-confidence. Children need to hear what they do well. Be sure to praise your older child for his or her uniqueness, strengths, accomplishments, and efforts.


Older children jealous of new babies or younger siblings can be surprisingly aggressive and sometimes torment their siblings. You should intervene if it begins to get out of control. By the same token, younger siblings should not be given "free reign" to harass or irritate the oldest just because they're smaller. Blaming each other or tattling should be discouraged and try to let the children sort out some of their own problems by remaining neutral. However, if one is being bullied or harsh words are being said, disciplinary intervention may need to occur before things get out of hand. Call a time out for them both to cool off, then calmly discuss the situation. These are the times when you will need wisdom and patience to determine how best to seek justice for all injured parties.

Life can be chaotic and frustrating with children at times, especially if it seems all they do is bicker, argue, and fight. Take time to remind yourself that it is a part of growing up and you can't stop that process no matter how hard you try. All you can do as a loving parent is show each child unconditional love and accept them for who they are.

Someday they won't be under your roof anymore, so it's important to enjoy each moment with them while they are young and allow them to develop their own relationships with one another. You can encourage more closeness by complimenting them when they play well with each other or when they help out. Being a big brother or a big sister can be a very important part of a child's personal development. As a parent, your role is to help your children recognize that being a sibling is a wonderful opportunity for closeness, love, and friendship.

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The Terrible Two's

Discipline strategies to help you through the years

Whether you are a new or seasoned mom, discipline is an issue that we all face not just once but throughout every stage of our kids lives. As our daughter is gaining independence and discovering more about herself and the world around her, my husband and I are seeing the increasing need to become very consistent in our discipline strategies.  We had a discussion about it last night and I committed to him that I would make some notes to serve as a reminder to us.  I thought that some of our strategies might be helpful to The Cool Mom Blog readers.

1. Even mommies and daddies can use a time-out once in a while.  Whether it's in the form of sitting in the corner, sending a child to their room or grounding, every child (even parents once in a while) could use some time to think about their actions when boundaries have been crossed.  For us, our daughter is not old enough to reflect on her actions so the act of giving her a time-out really just serves to remove her current situation for a short time (1 or 2 minutes) and then explain what she did wrong.
2. Set boundaries and allow your child to have independence within them.   Not many people like to constantly be told 'No'.  Children are on a continuous journey of discovery and encouraging this is part of our job as parents.  We also need to keep them safe so setting some clear boundaries is important.  Kids should know what the boundaries are and be allowed to explore within them.  For a teenager, this may come in the form of setting a curfew or the amount of time spent on the phone or on the computer.  In our situation, Ella is not old enough to understand those boundaries so they have to be physical.  Instead of always saying no when she heads towards the stairs or somewhere that is off limits, we can put up gates or move furniture so she can get to it. 
3. Offer creative alternatives. Along the same vein of creating a positive environment where 'no' is not always used, we can help our kids learn, grow and discover by offering creative alternatives when their original intention is not a great one.  This could be suggesting another activity, asking for them to help you with a chore or doing an activity with you.
4. Crying will only get you a hug.  Nip melt downs and temper tantrums in the bud by ignoring them.  I like the line I heard one parent say to their child 'Let me know when you are ready to talk'.  Kids have to know that they can't gain control over parents or the situation with negative behaviour.
   

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