Dealing with Toddlers

Parenting Strategies With Toddlers

A number of recent workshops with parents of toddlers produced the following list of ideas and key points to keep in mind when facing the challenge of parenting children whose life space is dramatically expanding but whose verbal skills and concepts of time, place, and consequences are still quite limited.

Visual aids are very helpful in establishing the sense of sequence and time for the behaviors required to start and end the day. Charts with drawings or pictures that have clock faces next to them enable the child to more quickly grasp the specific steps needed to complete the process but also begin to learn the importance of sequence and time in completing complex tasks. Parents must remember how complicated getting ready to leave the house is for a 2 year old. There are so many steps to be mastered and so-o-o many distractions. Plus, "What's a '5 minutes'?". We talk time to very young children which is one of the most abstract concepts in life.

Speaking of time, transitions are another major challenge for young children. At the end of a workshop, one mother went into the classroom to get her child and go home. The child resisted. The mother had been mentally preparing to leave. The child had not. Children need warnings, often a few of them, to begin to wind down and finish an activity. Toddlers will often need the parent to enter the activity in order to ease the child out of it. Making a game of cleaning up or creating an ending helps as does distractions that begin to shift the child's attention to change and transition. It can be helpful to talk about what will be happening when you leave, especially if it involves the child in actively making some decision about what will happen at the next stop, e.g., what book she would like you to read that night.

More about time goals: use timers to give children a visual, concrete focus and often make a game out of it. Can you brush your teeth or get your clothes on before the bell rings? One mother had success laying out options of sets of outfits plus beating the timer for a child who was having a lot of trouble getting dressed in the morning. Parents also need to be careful of taking too much responsibility for getting the child ready in the morning. Taking a child to preschool in his/her pajamas with clothes in a bag is often a very powerful way to underscore that you cannot control your child's behavior but you can control consequences. If you get drawn into believing that it is up to you to make sure everything is in perfect order before leaving than your toddler is training you rather than vice versa.

Whenever you are trying to say something important to a young child, kneel down and say it softly, eye-to-eye. Parents often attempt to give directions/orders/make requests from a distal position rather than a proximal one. But very young children cannot focus their auditory sense on a distant object when it is competing with an ongoing tactile or visual experience. Don't call out from the next room and expect more than about two seconds of attention. Even being next to a child but emitting words that are more than three feet from the ears, and more importantly, without the requisite visual or tactile attention, limits your effectiveness in getting attention and getting the message across. Even with older children in a classroom, a teacher walking about the room simply touching the shoulder of an inattentive child can dramatically improve being heard.

A biting 2 year old? Eye-to-eye - a very firm "No!", immediate BUT quiet removal, and consistent repetition. Don't waste time lecturing toddlers!

A toddler being mean to a new baby. Again the eye-to-eye "No!", but this time you should add a brief comment that it IS hard to have to share attention with a new baby, while you pick up the baby and go off, negating the toddler's attempt to gain negative attention by having you focus on punishing him.

Distraction is one of the most helpful strategies. Also parents need to use their knowledge and anticipate situations when a toddler may have difficulty or cause a problem, e.g., the child who interrupts whenever you are on the phone or the slow-to-warm up child who resists or runs out of patience in a group activity. Always have some interesting object that will hold the child's attention for a few minutes (an object not otherwise available for the child to play with) or have a favorite book and read to the child for a little while until she is able to enter or re-enter the social situation. One mother, whose son was physically hitting children in group play, realized the child would give her a clue by coming over and clinging when he couldn't tolerate the intensity of the social play of the other children. Her son needed a time out, in a positive sense, and once they worked out the signals, she would call him over for some quiet time before an incident occurred.

Some toddlers have hypersensitive sensory systems. They react with distress to loud noises, can't tolerate physical closeness (don't relax when you hold them; lash out when children are suddenly in their face), reject foods and clothing that don't "feel right" in their mouths or against their skin. These are valid issues. Treat them as such by developing accommodations and not worrying they won't turn out all right.

Toilet training is a constant concern when it need not be. Gently encourage the child when she appears to be interested but if not ready, be patient. It will occur in due time. And loss of control is quite common. Don't expect once mastered that the issue is forever gone.

Hyper children are a challenge to get to sleep. They have difficulty calming their systems to the point of being able to fall asleep. They will need more gentle rocking, sucking, and rhythmic sounds as aids to falling asleep and are less likely to be able to fall back to sleep if they wake up during the night. Try brief interventions but the reality is that some children will need your bodily presence to regain control of their own biological rhythm.

Keep in mind that toddlers are not in training to be miniature adults. Parents and teachers often put too much stress on training very young children to cope by using words when developmentally they are more skilled at learning to cope through action and tactile/visual modalities. Let them be toddlers. And enjoy the process. It really passes very quickly.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Toddler Activities

Activities to keep your toddler occupied and out of trouble!

10 ways to keep your toddler busy

`1A variety of hands-on activities using household items can help to keep your toddler engaged and out of trouble.

When it comes to taking care of kids, toddlers are arguably higher-maintenance than both babies and school-age children. Kids five years old and up will sit, play games or read books. As for babies, well, they need to be fed and carried around, but they're usually happy enough.

But with toddlers, look out: Turn your back for a moment and they'll be scurrying up stairs or rummaging through a garbage bin. That's why you have to keep them busy.

"Toddlers love hands-on activities," says Janet Loo, a schoolteacher in Toronto with three years of experience teaching kindergarten. "They like anything to do with baking, play-dough, muddy sand, even filling a little bin with water," she says.

Whether it's your own tyke you have to occupy a rainy day or it's someone else's bambino you're babysitting, here are helpful tips and fun activities that will keep a toddler occupied using household items.

1. Plan multiple activities

"Toddlers are all different, but most of the time, activities can keep them interested anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. If they like the activity, they will do it for longer than that," says Loo. "It's always nice to give them choices so they can anticipate another activity later. You can let them know that after this one, they can do another one later." So share your plans with them.

2. Let them play dress-up

Take out some old items of clothing and accessories you don't mind getting dirty or mangled, and let them dress up, says Loo, who teaches children as young as three years old.

3. Build a fort

Pull down the sofa cushions, bring out a blanket and help the tots build a fort. Even the youngest of toddlers usually enjoy this activity. "Or put the blanket on the floor and have a picnic," she suggests.

4. Help them wash dishes

"Fill a basin with dishwashing soap, bubbles, plastic dishes and a rag and the kids will love to pretend to wash them," says Loo. Careful supervision is required around water and detergent, of course.

5. Don't bring everything out all at once

Keep activities limited to one at a time, but be sure to have enough to keep them engaged and busy.

6. Use the paper and cardboard in your recycling bin

Make a wand using an empty paper towel roll and some ribbon and tape. Got a paper bag? You can decorate it to make a cute puppet. Empty cereal boxes can become a mailbox.

7. Teach clean-up time

Playing with toddlers also means teaching them to clean up their messes. Let them know that in order to move to the next activity, they've got to clean up after the first one.

8. Make crowns

No kid-friendly craft materials? No problem. All you need for this craft is scissors, plain paper and tape. 

9. Bake together

Let them help you mix and pour ingredients to create muffins or cookies. Even small toddlers like to watch the mixing and measuring that takes place. Lots of supervision is needed when the oven is on.

10. Let them watch age-appropriate TV

If toddlers are left with you unexpectedly, it's okay to let them watch television. "I recommend shows that have a problem and it's solved by the end," she says. "Arthur, Franklin and the Berenstein Bears are good at that," she adds.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Toddlers and Swearing

After all, having a toddler with a potty mouth is not something one boasts about at the play park.

Your kid is not the only one so don't panic! 

Toddlers are learning and loving the power of language, and once in a while they stumble across a really ‘special’ word. 

A word that has power and makes grown-ups react. They don’t understand the meaning of what they’re saying; they need to take out the word and run it past a few people, just to check it out to see if they can figure out what it means, and how best to use it. In days gone by, there was a lot of soap being applied to kids’ tongues to wash out those bad words, but we’ve learned now that reaction only makes the words more powerful. 

Try as hard as we might, though, to not react when a toddler turns the air blue is quite a feat of self-control, but there are ways to avoid your toddler from sounding like Ozzy Osbourne.

STAY CALM
Remember that, to him, it’s just a word he’s soaked up from somewhere. Don’t yell and identify the word as horrible or you will have made the word much more important than it needs to be.

SUBSTITUTE THE WORD
If your two-year-old is singing a curse word, or repeating it absently, sing along but use a funnier, more interesting word that they can latch onto. Similarly, if he’s screaming it at a passing truck, use another, innocuous word in its place.

EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM
Perhaps, if he’s getting quite proficient with his new vocabulary and you’re about to see Gramma next week, it’s time to say, “That word is a word that hurts people’s feelings and we don’t say it.” Note of caution: toddlers are still little egos with legs and sticky hands. Empathy is not one of their strong suits.

CLEAN OUT YOUR OWN MOUTH
If it sounds like Gordon Ramsay lives at your house, chances are you’ll often be battling the curse monsters. Be careful, too, about what shows you have on the television. Toddlers, deep in play, are still absorbing everything around them.

We can’t isolate our children from swear words, but we can be prepared with something more than a stick of Ivory soap. Bottom line, don’t fret; children’s attention spans are short. He’ll be onto something new ‘darn’ soon.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Baby's First Haircut

You might think your child's first trip to the salon is the cutest ever, but she won't see it that way. To her, being wrapped in a plastic cape, squirted with water, and attacked with sharp scissors by a stranger is just plain scary. "This is a peak time for stranger anxiety, and haircutting salons have lots of unfamiliar sights, sounds, and smells that can upset your child," says Kori Levos Skidmore, PhD, a child psychologist in Oak Park, Illinois. But getting those little bangs trimmed doesn't have to be hair-raising -- as long as you plan it properly.

Know When to Go

If your baby entered the world with luscious locks, she could be ready for a haircut as early as 8 months. But if she was a baldy, she may not need one until she's 2. There's no right or wrong time to go. It comes down to this: Do you want to preserve her baby look, or do you think she's ready for a big-kid 'do? "Keep in mind that once you cut off those curls, they may not grow back," says Christine Burger, founder of Noodle and Boo, a hair-care product line for babies and children. On the other hand, trimming superfine baby hair often makes it look thicker

.

Give a Heads-Up

Toddlers don't like surprises, so have your child watch you get a haircut or visit his barber before the big day. "Talk to him about what he's seeing -- point out the cape he'll be wearing and what the scissors do," says Jane Loyd, owner of A Cut Above, a salon for children in Covington, Louisiana. Avoid using the word "cut," which may scare your child -- use "snip" or "trim" instead. Let him play with a squirt bottle in the tub at home, and pretend to trim his bangs with your fingers. And read books about the subject: We like Henry's First Haircut, by Dan Yaccarino, and No Haircut Today! by Elivia Savadier.

Pick the Right Place

Choose a salon that knows how to deal with squirmy clients. Many kids' hair places have videos and books to keep little kids entertained. Some even do the first trim for free (others include a photo and certificate as part of a first-haircut package). If there isn't a children's barber in your town, ask your stylist to recommend someone who's especially good with kids.

Be Prepared

Let your child bring a lovey and a small toy. These will help him stay calm and keep his hands occupied. You might also hide a treat in your purse for afterward. Before the barber begins, swing the chair away from the mirror so your child doesn't fixate on the scissors. If he refuses to wear a cape, put one on and show him how it looks. If he won't sit still, you may need to plop him down on your lap for the duration. But make sure a friend (or someone else at the salon) is there to take pics.

Get Psyched

If you're apprehensive, your child will pick up on it and be more likely to cry during her haircut. "Talk to her about how much fun it will be," says Joanna Meiseles, founder of the Snip-its Hair Salon for Children chain. "Let her know how great she'll look after getting a trim. When she sees that you're looking forward to it, she will too."

Plan Carefully

Book your appointment between mealtime and naptime so your child isn't hungry or cranky. Call ahead to make sure the stylist is running on time. And don't hesitate to reschedule if your child seems out of sorts that day. "The first haircut sets the stage for years to come," says Loyd. "It's important to make it a positive experience."

If your baby entered the world with luscious locks, she could be ready for a haircut as early as 8 months. But if she was a baldy, she may not need one until she's 2. There's no right or wrong time to go. It comes down to this: Do you want to preserve her baby look, or do you think she's ready for a big-kid 'do? "Keep in mind that once you cut off those curls, they may not grow back," says Christine Burger, founder of Noodle and Boo, a hair-care product line for babies and children. On the other hand, trimming superfine baby hair often makes it look thicker.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

The Senses - 1 -2 Year old

Babies this age are maturing rapidly, and so is their understanding of the surrounding world. As they grow, they'll be seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching things that are all new.

Sight

Between 1 and 2 years old, your baby's sight will improve dramatically. By age 2, these young toddlers usually have 20/20 vision and can see details and appreciate all colors.

Your role is to provide pleasant, stimulating visual information. Picture books, colorful toys, and kids their own age are great things for babies to look at and learn about. Steer clear of disturbing or scary images, though — your toddler is not able to distinguish between the real and the imaginary yet.

Take your little one on frequent outings. The park, the grocery store, and a friend's house can all provide interesting and novel sights.

Hearing

No matter when toddlers say their first words, they'll already understand much of what is said to them before that. Your child should be able to respond to commands ("Roll the ball to Mommy or Daddy") and be fully aware of the names of familiar objects and family members.

By about 15 months, your child will be able to point to different body parts, even if he or she can't yet tell you their different names. This shows that your baby's hearing is functioning well and language skills are developing.

Although toddlers know a handful of words, most still indicate their wants and ideas in nonverbal ways. They enjoy the other pleasures of hearing: listening to children's songs and music, laughing and yelling with friends in the park, or having you read a bedtime story.

Taste and Smell

With their newfound language skills toddlers will tell you which tastes they prefer and which they dislike. At this age most like bland foods the best. Pasta, dairy, and chicken tend to be favorites.

But don't forget to offer a variety of foods to taste — fight the urge to serve only what your little one likes. Research shows that it can take a few attempts before a child will accept a new flavor. Just keep providing opportunities to try new things, and one day your child will surprise you by accepting!

Help your child label tastes and smells by using descriptive words during meals or trips to restaurants.

Touch

Although toddlers may seem too busy to enjoy a cuddle or kiss, such affection is still a necessary part of their lives. Your child is experiencing and understanding so much more, but still needs to feel loved and secure. Take every opportunity to show this.

Don't forget that little fingers this age will be into everything. Hopefully you've already childproofed your home well, but take another look around from a toddler perspective and put unsafe items out of reach. Then you can encourage your child to touch and learn as much as possible.

Toddlers also start to use their hands to show frustration or look for attention, so don't be surprised if your little one starts hitting. Although very common, teach your child that hands are not for hitting. Initially, finding a distraction may be all that is needed; however, using "time-outs" may be necessary if the hitting persists.

Should I Be Concerned?

By now you have probably addressed any concerns you've had about your baby's eyesight, but be sure to contact your doctor if any of these irregularities develop:

• eyes that wander in or out
• inability to see or recognize distant objects or people
• persistent tearing, fluid discharge, crusting, or redness of the eyes
• eyes that don't move together
• frequent squinting or sensitivity to light
• droopy eyelids
• pupils of different sizes
• excessive eye rubbing or scratching

Hearing problems may become more apparent as speech emerges. Some kids speak earlier or later than others, but there should be signs that they can understand simple instructions even if they are not yet using many words.

Don't hesitate to report any concerns to your doctor, especially if you feel your child is not babbling or responding to your speech patterns. Chronic ear infections can sometimes leave kids with excessive fluid buildup that can interfere with healthy hearing. Special tests can check for hearing loss at any age.

It's common for parents to feel concerned or frustrated with their toddler's behavior, as kids love to touch and explore everything. They're naturally very busy and curious little people, so it's important to make sure that yours has a safe environment to explore. If you're not sure about how to guide your toddler's behavior, talk to your doctor.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Does my Toddler Have a Language Delay?

My 2½-year-old daughter seems to talk less than her sister did at this age. I know that kids develop language skills at different times, but I'm still concerned. What's "normal" for her age?
- Nina

As you mention, all children (yes, even siblings!) develop and refine their language skills at different times throughout their development, so the range of what's "normal" is broad. However, there are some guidelines that parents go by when deciding if their child might be at the latter end of the spectrum.

A typical 2-year-old should:

• speak in two-word phrases, like "more juice" and "go bye-bye"
• follow two-step commands
• name simple objects
• have a vocabulary of 50 or more words
• be understood at least 50% of the time by a parent

Between 2 and 3 years, vocabulary continues to build and comprehension also increases. By 3 years of age, a child should:

• speak in three-word sentences
• have a vocabulary of 200 words or more (basically, more than you can count)
• be understood 75% of the time
• understand prepositions (such as, "put it on the table" or "put it under the bed")
• use pronouns ("me," "you," "it")

If you feel that your child is not on track, talk to your doctor about your concerns.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias

Everyone, from the youngest child to the oldest adult, experiences anxieties and fears at one time or another. 

Feeling anxious in a particularly uncomfortable situation never feels very good. 

However, with kids, such feelings are not only normal, they're also necessary. 

Dealing with anxieties can prepare young people to handle the unsettling experiences and challenging situations of life.

 

 

Many Anxieties and Fears Are Normal

Anxiety is defined as "apprehension without apparent cause." It usually occurs when there's no immediate threat to a person's safety or well being, but the threat feels real.

Anxiety makes someone want to escape the situation — fast. The heart beats quickly, the body might begin to perspire, and "butterflies" in the stomach soon follow. However, a little bit of anxiety can actually help people stay alert and focused.

Having fears or anxieties about certain things can also be helpful because it makes kids behave in a safe way. For example, a kid with a fear of fire would avoid playing with matches.

The nature of anxieties and fears change as kids grow and develop:

• Babies experience stranger anxiety, clinging to parents when confronted by people they don't recognize.
• Toddlers around 10 to 18 months old experience separation anxiety, becoming emotionally distressed when one or both parents leave.
• Kids ages 4 through 6 have anxiety about things that aren't based in reality, such as fears of monsters and ghosts.
• Kids ages 7 through 12 often have fears that reflect real circumstances that may happen to them, such as bodily injury and natural disaster.

As kids grow, one fear may disappear or replace another. For example, a child who couldn't sleep with the light off at age 5 may enjoy a ghost story at a slumber party years later. And some fears may extend only to one particular kind of stimulus. In other words, a child may want to pet a lion at the zoo but wouldn't dream of going near the neighbor's dog.

Signs of Anxiety

Typical childhood fears change with age. They include fear of strangers, heights, darkness, animals, blood, insects, and being left alone. Kids often learn to fear a specific object or situation after having an unpleasant experience, such as a dog bite or an accident.

Separation anxiety is common when young children are starting school, whereas adolescents may experience anxiety related to social acceptance and academic achievement.

If anxious feelings persist, they can take a toll on a child's sense of well being. The anxiety associated with social avoidance can have long-term effects. For example, a child with fear of being rejected can fail to learn important social skills, causing social isolation.

Many adults are tormented by fears that stem from childhood experiences. An adult's fear of public speaking may be the result of embarrassment in front of peers many years before. It's important for parents to recognize and identify the signs and symptoms of kids' anxieties so that fears don't get in the way of everyday life.

Some signs that a child may be anxious about something may include:

• becoming clingy, impulsive, or distracted
• nervous movements, such as temporary twitches
• problems getting to sleep and/or staying asleep longer than usual
• sweaty hands
• accelerated heart rate and breathing
• nausea
• headaches
• stomachaches

Apart from these signs, parents can usually tell when their child is feeling excessively uneasy about something. Lending a sympathetic ear is always helpful, and sometimes just talking about the fear can help a child move beyond it.

What's a Phobia?

When anxieties and fears persist, problems can arise. As much as a parent hopes the child will grow out of it, sometimes the opposite occurs, and the cause of the anxiety looms larger and becomes more prevalent. The anxiety becomes a phobia, or a fear that's extreme, severe, and persistent.

A phobia can be very difficult to tolerate, both for kids and those around them, especially if the anxiety-producing stimulus (whatever is causing the anxiety) is hard to avoid (e.g., thunderstorms).

"Real" phobias are one of the top reasons kids are referred to mental health professionals. But the good news is that unless the phobia hinders the everyday ability to function, the child sometimes won't need treatment by a professional because, in time, the phobia will be resolved.

Focusing on Anxieties, Fears, or Phobias

Try to answer the following questions honestly:

Is your child's fear and behavior related to it typical for your child's age? If the answer to this question is yes, it's a good bet that your child's fears will resolve before they become a serious cause for concern. This isn't to say that the anxiety should be discounted or ignored; rather, it should be considered as a factor in your child's normal development.

Many kids experience age-appropriate fears, such as being afraid of the dark. Most, with some reassurance and perhaps a night-light, will overcome or outgrow it. However, if they continue to have trouble or there's anxiety about other things, the intervention may have to be more intensive.

What are the symptoms of the fear, and how do they affect your child's personal, social, and academic functioning? If symptoms can be identified and considered in light of your child's everyday activities, adjustments can be made to alleviate some of the stress factors.

Does the fear seem unreasonable in relation to the reality of the situation; and could it be a sign of a more serious problem? If your child's fear seems out of proportion to the cause of the stress, this may signal the need to seek outside help, such as a counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist.

Parents should look for patterns. If an isolated incident is resolved, don't make it more significant than it is. But if a pattern emerges that's persistent or pervasive, you should take action. If you don't, the phobia is likely to continue to affect your child.

Contact your doctor and/or a mental health professional who has expertise in working with kids and adolescents.

Helping Your Child

Parents can help kids develop the skills and confidence to overcome fears so that they don't evolve into phobic reactions.

To help your child deal with fears and anxieties:

• Recognize that the fear is real. As trivial as a fear may seem, it feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Being able to talk about fears helps — words often take some of the power out of the negative feeling. If you talk about it, it can become less powerful.
• Never belittle the fear as a way of forcing your child to overcome it. Saying, "Don't be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!" may get your child to go to bed, but it won't make the fear go away.
• Don't cater to fears, though. If your child doesn't like dogs, don't cross the street deliberately to avoid one. This will just reinforce that dogs should be feared and avoided. Provide support and gentle care as you approach the feared object or situation with your child.
• Teach kids how to rate fear. A child who can visualize the intensity of the fear on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest, may be able to "see" the fear as less intense than first imagined. Younger kids can think about how "full of fear" they are, with being full "up to my knees" as not so scared, "up to my stomach" as more frightened, and "up to my head" as truly petrified.
• Teach coping strategies. Try these easy-to-implement techniques. Using you as "home base," the child can venture out toward the feared object, and then return to you for safety before venturing out again. The child can also learn some positive self-statements, such as "I can do this" and "I will be OK" to say to himself or herself when feeling anxious. Relaxation techniques are helpful, including visualization (of floating on a cloud or lying on a beach, for example) and deep breathing (imagining that the lungs are balloons and letting them slowly deflate).

The key to resolving fears and anxieties is to overcome them. Using these suggestions, you can help your child better cope with life's situations.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

My Toddler always throwing stuff!

 

Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children this age. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder she wants to practice this exciting skill once she's mastered it! What happens next is endlessly educational, too: 

Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down — never up. She can't say "gravity," of course, but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces; if she tosses an apple, it goes splat; and if her dinner gets the heave-ho, you probably go ballistic. Of course, it's maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk. But rather than trying to stop your toddler's throwing (a futile effort anyway), concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it.

When she's in her stroller or car seat, try attaching a few playthings within easy reach (using short strings that can't get wrapped around her neck). She'll quickly discover that in addition to throwing the objects, she can fish them back again. Double the fun for her, half the work for you.

At mealtime, try using a special toddler dish with plastic "suckers" that fasten to the table or highchair tray. Keep in mind, though, that while these work well enough that a casual grab won't send her dish scuttling across the floor, they won't stop a small person who's amazed to find her dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off! This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting down with your child while she eats. That way, you're right there to gently but firmly tell her "no" when she makes a move to toss her lunch and to hold her plate down with your hand if need be.

It may also help to serve tiny portions of finger foods directly on her highchair tray or a paper towel and to hold off on dishing up more until she's eaten what's there. Keep in mind, too, that most kids don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and have grown bored. So take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that she's finished her meal, and lift her down from the table. If a bit of food does escape her hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to keep some perspective about it: After all, a dropped slice of bread or a pinch of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but they're not worth getting upset about.

When your toddler's playing, on the other hand, there are things you'll want to stop her from throwing: sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at the baby. But she'll accept these limits more easily and learn to police herself more quickly if there are lots of things that she is allowed — and even encouraged — to throw. Balls are an obvious choice, and you may want to stock up on a few foam "indoor balls." But actual throwing games (like tossing beanbags in a basket or skipping stones on a pond) are even more fun for a toddler, especially if you play with her. The message you need to convey is that throwing things is a fine as long as she throws the right things in the right place at the right time. This lesson will carry over to many of the other physical skills she's mastering, too: There's nothing wrong with kicking a soccer ball in the park, for instance — but kicking a playmate won't be looked upon too kindly!

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Introducing Your Toddler To Chores

Toddlers and Chores

Helping out around the house supports learning and development. Here's how to introduce your wee one to chores.

Chores can help your child learn to organize their time, handle responsibility, set goals and learn skills.

It's a routine you can start with your child as soon as they reach the toddler years, between 18 months and 2 years of age. This is when children begin to demonstrate greater independence and want to do things by themselves. At this age, your child can put dirty clothes in the laundry basket and put toys away.

But just because children can do chores, doesn't mean they'll want to. To help ease your child into chores, Invest in Kids suggests a few fun activities that will also support your child's development. 

Where Does This Go?

Here's an activity to support the development of your child's intellectual, social and fine motor skills.

What you'll need:

• Dramatic play toys such as dishes, plastic food, clothing

• Baskets for each group of play toys

• Pictures of dishes, food and clothing cut from catalogues or magazines

• Index cards

• Glue stick

• Permanent marker

Cut out pictures of toys, food and clothing and glue each to an index card. Write the word for each item under the picture. Attach each card to a basket. Provide your child with a variety of dramatic play toys. As he plays with the toys, ask questions about each one, e.g., "Is this something you eat or something you wear?" "Which basket does this belong in?" Your child can look at the pictures on the baskets and place the play items in the correct basket.

By talking with your child about what he's doing and labeling the toys and baskets, your child will be encouraged to listen, read (with your help) and respond. He will develop emerging literacy skills as he learns to connect spoken words with the written word and with pictures. Your child will also practice important thinking and problem-solving skills as he learns to sort and match objects by common properties. Extend this fun activity in your everyday routines by naming objects and labeling storage units with pictures and words to help your child put things where they belong when playtime is over and also to reinforce these important developmental skills. 

This activity will help your child become aware of some of the ways that people take care of responsibilities at home and in the classroom. Picking up toys and putting them away requires eye-hand coordination which your child will practice as you play this game together and as he helps tidy play spaces around the house.

This activity also provides Comfort, Play & Teach® time. Comfort, Play & Teach are three parenting actions that work together to generate responses from children that transform everyday interactions from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Comfort – Your child will show pride in his achievements as he begins to recognize differences and relationships between the things in his environment.  

Play – Using and manipulating materials allows your child to name objects and discover their characteristics through play.

  

Teach – As your child sorts familiar objects, you will observe how he makes comparisons and groups things according to differences.

Other everyday moments to enjoy together:

• Have your child provide her own rationale for sorting her toys or other things around the house (sorting by type of clothing, or colour, size or shape of object).

• Involve your child in activities where she can help put things away, like laundry or groceries.

• Read books together like Jillian Jiggs by Phoebe Gilman and Jonathan Cleaned Up and Then He Heard a Sound by Robert Munsch. Your child will enjoy hearing stories about tidying up and will talk about what she likes and doesn't like about putting things away.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Hitting, Kicking, Biting and Hair Pulling

Children resort to aggressive behaviors because of a lack of wisdom and self-control. It is not a sign that a child is hateful or mean. Kids are human beings and human beings will get angry; we can't prevent that. What we can do is teach our children how to handle their frustration and anger in appropriate ways. If your child uses these physical acts to express her feelings, use some of the following tips to change her behavior.

Intercede before it happens
Watch your child during playtime. When you see her becoming frustrated or angry - intervene. Coach her through the issue. Teach her what to do, or model what to say to her friend. Or if she seems too upset to learn, redirect her attention to another activity until her emotions level out.

Teach and explain
It's one thing to tell a child what not to do or to step into an argument and solve it yourself. It's another thing entirely to teach her what to do in advance of the next problem. This can be done through role-play, discussion, and reading a few children's books about angry emotions.

Examine hidden causes
Is your child hungry, tired, sick, jealous, frustrated, bored or scared? If you can identify any feelings driving your child's actions you can address those along with the aggressive behavior.

Give more attention to the injured party
Often the child who hits gets so much attention that the action becomes a way of gaining the spotlight. Instead, give more attention to the child who was hurt. After a brief statement, "No hitting!" turn and give attention to the child who was wronged, "Come here and Mommy will give you a hug and read you a book."

Teach positive physical touches
Show your child how to hold hands during a walk or how to give a back rub or foot massage. Teach a few physical games, like tag or cat's cradle. Under direct supervision, children who are more physical can gain a positive outlet for their physical energy.

Teach the clapping method
Tell a child to clap his hands whenever he feels an urge to hit. This gives him an immediate outlet for his emotions and helps him learn to keep his hands to himself. An alternate is to teach him to put his hands in his pockets when he feels like hitting. Reward with praise anytime you see he's successful.

Give your child a time out
To use Time Out when a child acts out aggressively, immediately and gently take the child by the shoulders, look him in the eye and say, "No hurting others, time out." Guide the child to a chair and tell him, "You may get up when you can play without hitting." By telling him that he can get up when he's ready, you let him know that he is responsible for controlling his own behavior. If the child gets up and hits again, say, "You are not ready to get up yet," and direct him back to time out. 

Avoid play hitting and wrestling
Young children who roughhouse with a parent or sibling during play time might then use these same actions during non-wrestling times. It can be hard for them to draw the line between the two. If you have a child who has trouble controlling his physical acts then avoid this kind of play.

Don't lose control
When you see your child hurting another child it's easy to get angry. This won't teach your child what she needs to learn: how to control her emotions when others are making her mad. You are mad at her, so she'll be watching how you handle your anger.

Don't let your child watch violent TV
Children can become immune to the impact of violence, and they may copy what they see depicted on television. Avoid viewing shows that portray aggression as an appropriate way of handling anger.

Don't assume your child can figure it out
If your child comes to you about a difficult situation, don't send him away for tattling. But don't step in and handle it for him, either. View his call for help as an invitation to teach him important social skills.

Don't focus on punishment
More than anything your child needs instructions on how to treat other human beings, particularly during moments of anger or frustration.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.

Get your toddler to cooperate

Toddlers and preschoolers require finesse to gain their cooperation, because they have not yet reached the age at which they can see and understand the whole picture, so simply explaining what you want doesn't always work. Robert Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying, "Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic." (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)

You can get around this frustrating state of affairs by changing your approach. Let's look at two situations - first the typical (Titanic) way:

Parent:    David! Time to change your diaper.
David:     No! (As he runs off)
Parent:     Come on honey. It's time to leave, I need to change you.
David:     (Giggles and hides behind sofa)
Parent:     David, this isn't funny. It's getting late. Come here.
David:     (Doesn't hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle.)
Parent:     Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)
David:     (Giggles and runs)
Parent:     (Picking up David) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie still. Will you stop this! (As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom is running away)

I'm sure you've all been there. Oh, and by the way, David is my son. And this was an actual scene recorded in his baby book. Like you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a better way:

Parent:     (Picking up diaper and holding it like a puppet, making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice) Hi David! I'm Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!
David:     (Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!
Parent as Diaper:     You're such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?
David:     Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)
Parent as Diaper:     How 'bout a nice hug?
David:     (Giggles and hugs Diaper)
Parent as Diaper:    Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh yes?! Goody goody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he's being changed. Then it says, Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes calling you - David! David!)

The most amazing thing about this trick is that it works over and over and over and over. You'll keep thinking, "He's not honestly going to fall for this again?" But he will! Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with your child.

When you've got a toddler this technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David was little I used this all the time. (I then used it with my youngest child, Coleton, and it worked just as well.) Remembering back to one day, when David was almost three, we were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was making my hand talk to him. It was asking him questions about the items in the cart. Suddenly, he hugged my hand, looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I love for you to pretend this hand is talking."

Another parent reported that she called her toddler to the table for dinner a number of times, when he calmly looked up at her, chubby hands on padded hips and said, "Mommy, why don't you have my dinner call to me?"

And suddenly, the peas on his plate came to life and called out to him; he ran over to join the family at the dinner table.

A variation on this technique, that also works very well, is to capitalize on a young child's vivid imagination as a way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail of caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny, or pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it.

It's delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun experience by changing a child's focus to fun and fantasy.

Respected Readers: Need your help to keep the site up and running. please donate ! Any help is appreciated.